dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Houston, we have a blender
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
