dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
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