i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
