We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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