thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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