it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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