She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
