I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
