shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
