that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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