u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
