this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
