he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Randomize
