Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
