The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
there was a trapeze. enough said
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just high enough for therapy.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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