would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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