I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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