i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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