my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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