He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Quick, to the slutcave!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
