He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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