Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
