I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Small penises have feelings too.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
