Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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