my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
