Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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