how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
