Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
