She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
then he tried to convert me to islam
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
