I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
