At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
