FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
