Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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