I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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