so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
