my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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