it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
