mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
