He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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