Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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