So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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