i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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