When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
