Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my being single is dangerous.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
