That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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