Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize