Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
