So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
