There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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