If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
