he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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