I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
