The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
