you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
