i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize