I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
