Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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