proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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