if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize