dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
