It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
