I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
