Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
