I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
if i died would you start the facebook group?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
