Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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