my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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